


Japanese Vending Machines are Amazing

by Littlenaga



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A WILD RIDE, Chris is a diva, Coffee, Comedy, Drooling, Groping, Japan, Kissing, Love Hotels, M/M, Phichit is the god we don't deserve, Viktor gets Caffeinated, Viktor is bourgeoisie, coffeecan!Yuuri, crop top yuuri, vending machine, yes this is a thing now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 11:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9179578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlenaga/pseuds/Littlenaga
Summary: Viktor goes to Japan for the first time with Chris on a whim.Who knew that an encounter with a high-tech Japanese vending machine late one night in a seedy Shibuya alleyway would forever change his life? His shining Visa debit card glided through the reader smoothly, the machine sputtered angrily, and he found......“…Are you sure you pressed the right button?”





	1. An unfortunate day

               “Say ‘I love Japan’!” Chris hollered over the bustle of Tokyo traffic, a charming smile for all his followers on his already charming countenance. 

               “I love Japan! Haha!” The bright flash of Viktor’s smartphone camera marked the infinite selfie of the day. His hands were heavy with designer goods after having spent his first day trying to empty his bank statement. Nevertheless, he hadn’t even made a dent in his paycheck, let alone his bank account. “Let me see, let me see!”

               Chris handed Viktor’s phone back to him so he could check over the quality. Flawless, as usual- he expected no less.

               Chris rolled his eyes, resting his right hand on his hip. “I don’t know why you even check. The latest dictionaries even cite our social media accounts under photogenic.” Viktor raised a brow at that. It was so ridiculous that it almost sounded true. He would have to fact check it later. “Also, stop shopping already! What’s the point in coming to Japan if you just do what you usually do at home? Louis Vuitton? Armani? You can very literally buy these anywhere in the world.”

               Viktor frowned a bit at that. “But this is Japanese Louis Vuitton! The design is a little different… see?” He pointed at the pattern on one of the belts he had bought. Chris just rolled his eyes even harder before squinting at it like he was trying to read the fine print.

               “The Louis Vuitton symbol doesn’t change wherever you go Viktor.” He deadpanned. “Send your Bourgeoisie garbage back to the hotel and let’s do some actual Japanese activities.” Chris turned around to look up a list of ’50 Things You Must Try in Japan!” article while Viktor, looking a bit offended, called up their chauffeur to pick up his so called ‘bourgeoisie garbage’. Seriously, the nerve some people had.

               Viktor was about ready to pass out as dusk began to settle. His clothes had begun to devolve- in stark contrast, Chris somehow seemed to be enjoying himself. “Are you actually having fun or are you just having fun seeing how miserable I am?”

               A wide, close-mouthed smile split Chris’s face as he hummed- quite obviously enjoying himself. “A little bit of both?”

               Chris’s phone was still shining with the ’50 Things You Must Try in Japan!’ article at the forefront and Viktor never wanted to erase any single piece of data off the internet more in his life. Chris was serious about doing those ‘Japanese’ activities. And Japanese activities they did – normal things that locals did on a daily basis. Wasn't vacationing about doing extraordinary things instead? Viktor just could not see the appeal.

               The first thing they did was use the JR line to get around. Trains were cool. Viktor himself had ridden trains several times across Europe- in coach with wine and an assortment of cheeses. Fancy lunches and dinners included without having to ask. 

               The trains in Japan were in no way like the trains Viktor had been on in Europe. For one, they were riding public transit – a fact that Chris had failed to mention to him. In other words, a vital piece of information that Chris had purposely withheld from him. It had been awful. The 'trains' had been more people than actual train as a legion of school children and people in suits had marched in during rush hour. Viktor was sure that even after the train had reached legal capacity people still stuffed themselves inside like an overstocked meat freezer. Instead of being cold though, Viktor was lamentably warm. The air conditioning just could not keep up and the entire cart became swelteringly suffocating in seconds. One of Viktor’s hands had been firmly pinned to his side by the sheer compressive force of all the people breathing around him. His other hand was stuck straight in the air-clinging onto a metal pole for dear life as the mass of people swayed with each sharp turn. Chris had been lucky enough to snag a seat- the smug bastard was smiling at him from across the train.

               Viktor honestly couldn’t tell if being tall was such a great thing now. One advantage was he wasn’t stuck with his nose in an unsuspecting stranger’s armpit. However, on the other hand, he was possibly staring at the largest, most ill-concealed bald spot in the history of mankind. The man had attempted to comb it over with his remaining hair but it was so sparse that it ended up looking like a very spacey bar code. It reminded him of how his hair was thinning. How he was aging. He couldn’t even remember the rest of the train ride or where they were even going. His entire life had flashed before his eyes. Bald. He was going to be bald and ugly one day. What was the point in becoming rich and famous if he couldn’t be beautiful to the very end? The train had gone underground at some point. It was a metaphor for his plunging self-esteem and spiritual journey towards the underworld.

               He stared aimlessly at the dark concrete walls that were blurring past. He looked across the tops of the heads of the people in the train and was unpleasantly surprised to see several other balding people. Was he awake? It wasn’t possible. He felt the beginnings of a meltdown come up from his stomach as the definite impression of a hand made its way up the cleft of his ass. Hand. On. Ass. HAND ON ASS. HIS ASS. VIKTOR NIKIFOROV’S ASS. As the train slowed to a stop, the automated chime of the announcer rang through the train car.

               He was absolutely sure that a run in with a subway groper and the Japanese station police had not been on Chris’s precious list of things to do in Japan.

               Perhaps his retelling of the events that day were kind of biased. After all, he still thought Japan was a great place. It was super clean, full of strange and interesting trinkets, good food, and of great sights if Viktor simply subtracted all the unfortunate events that had not stopped at the JR line.

               A strange red-faced monkey had stolen his wallet. An exotic bird had left him a gift on his shoulder at the zoo. A cute kitten at the cat cafe had thought that his cup of tea was the perfect spot to leave a hairball. He had been chastised by an older woman for using his chopsticks the wrong way. The list goes on and on. It was amazing that the day was still not over after all of this.

               Now he was in front of a weird purple dispensing machine that Chris had claimed was called a ‘gachapon’. He could see an assortment of crayon-colored capsules behind the clear plastic while samples of dog keychains were shown at the top. Chris still looked extremely refreshing while Viktor, the poor soul, was all levels of disheveled. Superstitions weren’t really his thing but had he somehow angered some cranky old diety?

               “Chris I swear to god if something comes out of that machine and attacks, you’re going down with me.”

               “Calm down, Viktor, this is just a simple machine. You put in 250 yen and it pops out one of those trinkets.” Chris put in two 100 yen coins and one 50 yen coin. Viktor looked skeptical. Chris took two steps back and stuck his hands in his coat pockets before gesturing forward with his chin. “Go ahead. Turn the dial.”

               “Absolutely not!” Viktor was shaking his head vehemently – his silver bangs swinging widely from side to side. He stuck his finger out at Chris accusingly. “You’ve been doing this to me all day! Stepping back and letting me take the brunt of the danger!”

               Chris raised one perfectly shaped brow. “Don’t act like you don’t know what you’ve doing! No, I’m not turning the- the-“ Viktor waved his hands wildly at the machine. “-the whatever it is!”

               Chris just shrugged as his friend turned into a huge pouting man baby. “Ok, suit yourself.” He turned the dial and saw the coins disappear into the machine with a  _clunk_! A small blue ball was dispensed into the open holder and he handed it to Viktor who reluctantly accepted.

               The top came off with a sharp pop to reveal a tiny poodle keychain. It was a small brown poodle sitting in a bowl with an egg on top of its head. A confusing yet endearing design. Chris didn’t miss how Viktor’s eyes brightened.

               “See? Harmless. It even looks like your poodle. Cute, right? Aren’t you glad you got one?” Chris looked smug.

               “Of course it’s  _cute_. It’s Makkachin. But I am still going to choose what we do tomorrow. After today, I don’t want to see that list on your phone again.”

 

* * *

 

               Night had fallen in Shibuya when Viktor and Chris had begun to reach the ends of their Top 50 list. Viktor had gotten in a much better mood after getting the cute poodle keychain and getting dinner. They had gotten a big bowl of katsudon at a small family restaurant. Viktor had boasted that it had been one of the best things he’s eaten in all his years of living. The breaded pork cutlet had been so tender and the sweet egg on top had been absolutely divine. Even the rice was great- big puffy grains that clumped together well enough to eat easily with chopsticks.

               Now they were in front of a huge, brightly lit vending machine with over fifty different hot and cold drink selections- it even had flavor buttons! It was hidden just on the inside of an alleyway on a quieter street. The loudest things around were the abundant neon signs populating the skies in place of the stars. “Wow! Amazing!” Viktor clapped his hands together excitedly. “So the coffee comes out in a can? And it’s supposed to be hot?”

               Chris scratched the back of his head as he looked down at his phone for answers. “Yes, I think. That’s what it says here anyways.”

               “So high-tech!” Viktor exclaimed excitedly. He looked at the vending machine with the eyes of a mystified child. “That would be perfect for the Russian winters. I’ll have to buy one for myself.” He pointed at the card reader. “Do you think it accepts Visa?”

               “It doesn’t hurt to try. But I think I’ll just use the yen.” Chris put 300 yen in the machine before choosing the honey hot tea option. Whirring noises flooded out of the machine before a can of tea was dispensed into the holding area. Chris sighed as he held the drink in his hand. “Wow, it really is warm.” He took a drink. “Not bad.”

               “OK! Let me try!” Viktor nudged Chris out of the way as he surveyed the options. “Which one is popular here? In Japan?”

               “Umm…” Chris took a second to search on his phone again. “It says here that the hot coffee is a local favorite or if you want something cold the milk teas seem interesting.”

               Viktor waved off the last suggestion without a second thought. “No, I want to stay with the hot options. Cold vending machines are already a thing outside of Japan and this is supposed to be about Japanese activities.”

               “I thought you didn’t want to do the Japanese things?” Chris teased. 

               “I never once even insinuated such a thing.” After much indecisive fanfare, Viktor clicked on one of the ‘premium’ coffee options, selecting the cappuccino flavor before he slid his card through the card reader. In response, the reader turned an angry red and the machine angrily hissed at him. Well, it released some gas and did nothing.

               Viktor turned to look back at Chris with a shrug. “Hmm… I guess they don’t accept Visa after all. Oh well-“ He was cut off by a jarring noise that sounded like a misfiring firework just as he felt something heavy and warm land with a resounding thud on his dress shoes.

               Chris let out a low whistle as Viktor began panicking. Suddenly, there was a hot-  _temperature wise_ \- Japanese man wearing a black tracksuit curled around his feet. He had short, black, disheveled hair and a pair of big blue framed glasses with some fog collecting on the edges.

               “What?!” Viktor bent down to try and check on the man who magically appeared around his legs. It was leaking some kind of wispy white vapor and groaning tiredly. “Oh my gosh, Chris, tell me I’m not going crazy- there is a Japanese person around my feet! Are you okay? Chris, there’s steam coming off of him!” He nudged the thing. “Hey, can you get up?”

               Chris was holding his chin with his hand in deep thought as he looked at the thing curled around Viktor. “…Are you sure you pressed the right button?”

               “Holy- people don’t come out of vending machines, Chris!” Viktor gasped as the man’s eyes suddenly snapped open- revealing coffee colored irises. “Oh thank goodness, you’re not dead. Can you get up? You’re kind of on my feet. Actually, can you understand what I’m saying?” The stranger’s face just scrunched up in confusion. “Of course you don’t understand me. We’re in Japan. Wait- no don’t do that…” The steaming human being began crawling up Viktor’s legs. Viktor rushed to pull up the man himself, lest his pants be taken off in public.

               Viktor looked at Chris pleadingly and commanded him with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “Don’t just stand there! Help me, this man is obviously drunk. I don’t know where he came from just get him off of me!”

               “Wait.” Chris paused, looking at the strange drunkard critically.

               “What?!” Viktor almost shouted. His arms were now full of a steaming man who wouldn’t stop trying to touch him. A warm hand was mercilessly grabbing at his face- it felt like a hot, slightly damp towelette. This would be completely fine if it was actually a towelette. Viktor grunted as his cheeks were squeezed. Moist towelettes wouldn’t do this to him.

               “Yuuri desu! Konban wa!” A stream of garbled foreign nonsense was now seeping out of the stranger. Why, oh why, did only these things happen to Viktor?

               Chris pulled out his smartphone and started snapping photos in bursts. “What are you doing?!” Viktor nearly shrieked, his voice breaking towards the end.

               “Can’t you tell? I need proof for when this event becomes a conversation piece.”

               The stranger started talking up a storm. “Yuuri-desu! Namae wa? Nani wo shimasu?” Despite struggling, the Japanese man was able to finally wrap his arms around the victim’s neck - much to his chagrin. Eventually Viktor just let it happen, arms falling limply at his sides.

               “Chris, what is going on in my life right now?”

               Chris looked like he was having a eureka moment when Viktor looked at him again. “Oh, I think I know what he’s saying! He’s saying his name is Yuuri. Yuuri?” Viktor nearly bit his tongue as the man wrapped around his neck started bouncing excitedly.

               “Hai, Yuuri desu. Yoroshiku onegaishimasu… Namae wa?” They were almost nose-to-nose as the stranger-Yuuri looked Viktor dead-on. “Namae wa?” He repeated himself.

               “Chris, you know Japanese?” Viktor looked incredulous as Yuuri entered his breathing space.

               Chris shook his head. “Of course I don’t know Japanese, but I looked up some common phrases before we got here- it’s common sense. He wants to know your name by the way.”

               “Uh… Yuuri? I am Viktor. Viktor.”

               “Wikutoruu?” Yuuri tested it out. It sounded awkward but Viktor supposed that was close enough with Japanese syllables.

               “Can you ask him if he can speak English?”

               Chris lit up like a 60-watt incandescent light bulb. “I memorized that phrase! Yuuri?” He turned to Yuuri who was looking at him from over Viktor’s shoulder. Had the streetlights and neon signs not been so bright, Chris might have mistaken him for a monstrous leech creature – sucking the life force out of his good friend. On second thought, that almost sounded right. “Eigo kudasai?”

               “Nnn… Eigo wa chotto… eto.” Chris could see the cogs turning in Yuuri’s mind, it looked like more steam was coming off of him than before. “Eto… 100 calories! Vikutoru, hi!”

               “Hi…” Viktor responded with a fragile smile on his face. He thought they were acting a little too friendly to just now be giving introductions but better late than never right? “A little out of order… but I guess it’s alright to do that every once in mnnfff…”

               It all happened in an instant. Yuuri had buried his hands in Viktor's hair before jerking him forward into a steamy kiss. Viktor’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as he felt more than saw Yuuri’s warm tongue sliding over his lips. On reflex, Viktor had parted his mouth- all the access Yuuri needed to shove his tongue down Viktor’s throat and deepen the kiss. He stumbled.

               For a few long seconds, Viktor was just shocked as a man who had been a complete stranger mere minutes ago was now attempting to map out his mouth and a good portin of his throat with his tongue. That warm appendage wiggled against the roof of his mouth, ran over his teeth, and teased his tongue. Viktor gagged. Yuuri was also drooling. A lot. Warm liquid started filling his mouth and he was forced to swallow it down before it dribbled out the corners of his lips until he began doing it voluntarily. Somehow, it tasted so good and familiar, although he couldn’t quite put his finger on it in the moment. As Yuuri continued to hotly massage Viktor’s mouth with his tongue, he finally closed his eyes and embraced it. He could admit to himself that in this moment it felt pleasurable as he literally drank Yuuri.

               “Uh…” Chris’s voice brought back the subtle reminder that Viktor was still in public. He swallowed once more before pulling his lips off of Yuuri’s- a thin string of saliva snapping between them like a death sentence. Viktor was looking at Yuuri as though he wanted to suck him dry where Yuuri looked like he would be entirely willing to oblige.

               “Well… you two definitely got to know each other pretty quickly.” Chris remarked saucily.

               “Yeah… “ Viktor was holding Yuuri’s face with both hands now, searching his eyes for an answer. “Hey… I think you taste like coffee.” Viktor broke eye contact to speak to Chris. His eyes were a little crazy. “He actually tastes like coffee!” Viktor was ecstatic as he looked to the heavens. “Japanese vending machines are amazing!” He pulled Yuuri in for another deep kiss, wanting to deeply explore the mysteriously rich coffee caves. 

               Chris looked concerned now. “No, Viktor, no I was joking… People do not come out of vending machines. Viktor?” Viktor was far gone- now freely making out with his apparent coffee lover with heavy slurping sounds. Yuuri was just as in to it- letting out soft moans every time Viktor sucked on his mouth. Chris scrunched his face up. Disgusting.

               “…Since you’re so keen on it, let’s just go to a love hotel for tonight. It was on my list anyways.” Viktor broke off his kiss again- although this time his lips were visibly glistening with what Chris could only hope to be lip gloss.

               “Love hotel?”

               “Yes, please stop sucking face for two seconds so we can take a look at them.”

 

* * *

 

               Yuuri had actually been the one to choose the hotel. He had pointed out one of them excitedly. “This hotel is good.”

               Thankfully, the hotel manager knew just a small amount of English. They were able to book two rooms although there was confusion over how many people would be occupying them. 

               “Sannin? Three people?” The manager asked for the second time. “You mean two?”

               Viktor’s smile faltered. “No three of us in total. Chris, Yuuri and I.” He pointed at everyone for extra emphasis.

               “Oh! Haha, foreigner joke! OK, please enjoy.” Viktor took the room keys, noting unsatisfied that there were still only two copies. The nerve of some people! He had half a mind to leave a subpar review for the establishment.

               The manager just shook his head as the two flashy foreigners left with the elevator. This had to have been the third time this week that someone pretended that beverages were actual people. Just the day before a man had come in after passionately licking his mango smoothie. 

              Was it culture shock or are the vending machines in Japan really so amazing?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a fucking sip, babes.  
> I was going to end this story here tbh. Should I write more? How many ppl actually think this is ok and would die to see Viktor slurp Yuuri (wow, I did just type that)
> 
> Comments and Kudos are appreciated and help me gauge interest in a story. 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr  
> @[mileenadelanoche](mileenadelanoche.tumblr.com)  
> 


	2. Love love hotels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor finds out what happens in love hotels.

          Chris sucked his teeth in annoyance. He was walking a few paces behind the overly affectionate couple in front of him. Yuuri and Viktor had completely hit it off. While he should have been happy for them, he still felt bitter that somehow he had become the third wheel on his own vacation that he had planned for a long time now.

          He swore that he saw rainbows flowing off Viktor in droves with how happy he was to have Yuuri clinging onto his arm and waiting on his every word. Yuuri acted like everything Viktor said was the most interesting thing in the world. And Viktor, as a self-proclaimed attention druggie, was almost deliriously happy on the high it gave him; a huge ear-splitting grin ruining his otherwise princely face.  Chris couldn’t wrap his head around it. Yuuri can’t even understand English. What could be so interesting about listening to foreign nonsense?

          “- And the katsudon was amazing! I’ll take you out to eat there tomorrow.” Viktor was retelling his day’s adventure happily.

          “Katsudon! I know. Katsudon ga daisuki!” Every time he heard a familiar word Yuuri would jump into the otherwise very one-sided conversation. Yuuri beamed at Viktor who beamed right back. Chris couldn’t believe his eyes. In some strange alien manner, they were somehow able to communicate with each other. But more importantly, it was starting to feel like they didn’t care if Chris even existed. The hallway they were walking down seemed to be brighter around the two as they gushed to one another.

          Viktor unlocked his phone and scrolled through to find a set of images, the colorful tiles zipping past until his thumb stopped on the right one. “Also, here is my dog Makkachin! He’s a poodle. Isn’t he so cute?” Chris rolled his eyes so far back that he thought they might never return- how typical. Every time Viktor met someone new he would always, without fail, somehow turn it into an opportunity to gush about his beloved dog. Chris had lost track of how many times he’s heard the same stories about Makkachin helping Viktor to swim and being the ‘only savior we deserve’.

          “Pooduruu!!! Waa, Kawaii!” Yuuri squealed as his hands covered his face, almost launching off the carpet in his excitement. Such a cute dog! Viktor didn’t have to know a lick of Japanese to understand what Yuuri was saying. If it were even possible, he brightened even more with pride for his favorite pet. Of course Makkachin was cute! He was his dog after all!

Chris squinted at the blindingly happy couple. Actual rays of light were coming off them now. He felt like he was staring at the very beginnings of the universe- the flash of the Big Bang held consistent. Viktor’s smile became impossibly wide as he let Yuuri flip through the rest of his supply of Makkachin portraits. Chris sighed, resigning himself to the strange position of spectator. Where were his Gucci sunglasses when he needed them?

He asked Viktor for the other room key just as they arrived at the first room. He couldn’t take being stuffed in the back seat any longer. If he had any screen time he would be at center stage or he wouldn’t show at all because being sidelined like this was just ridiculous. Chris cleared his throat. “Viktor, can I have the second room key? I think I might retire early for the night.”

Viktor looked a little put out, a frown threatening the corners of his stupidly wide smile. “Aww, but don’t you want to check out the rooms first? What happened to your sense of Japanese adventure?” Using Chris’s words against him, Viktor played his best pout.

A vein appeared on Chris’s otherwise flawless face. “Do you even want to check out the rooms?” he said a bit sardonically. His eyes shifted towards Yuuri who stilled abruptly. “Or did you want to check out a different kind of Japanese adventure?” Chris smiled, eyes twinkling with a hint of perversion as realization seemed to dawn on Yuuri’s face. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance, looking away from the scrutinizing eyes. But the damage had been done.

Viktor sputtered as his face reddened. Under the heat of Chris’s leer, Yuuri began growing hot as well to mirror him. He didn’t understand why Chris was looking at him so suggestively. Chris smiled, genuinely enjoying toying with both of them. He held his hand out to Viktor. “I’ll be taking the room key now. Oh, also I need my beauty sleep so please keep it down if you can, since I’m right next door.” He thanked a still reddening Viktor as the card key was dropped into his hands.

“Merci.” He winked at the flustered couple as he walked away with a lightness to his step.

Viktor looked at Yuuri who’s ears were reddening in embarrassment. He slid the card key through a slot and opened the surprisingly heavy door as the access light flashed green.

Yuuri had been clutching his face, trying to will the blush away as Viktor started laughing nervously. “Haha… I wonder how much of that you understood?”

          The hotel room was beautiful and as soon as Viktor stepped foot inside he knew why Yuuri had chosen it. Despite his apparent bashfulness with Chris, the Japanese man had excitedly pushed past Viktor to start exploring with glee. No piece of furniture would be left untouched by the end of the night. Viktor was sure of this as Yuuri flitted about, opening drawers and pushing buttons at his discretion. There was a light coffee scent in the air that reminded Viktor of one of his favorite cafes back home. He thought of wafts of freshly baked bread and black coffee brushing past his lips, dry from the cold.

          The room was well furnished with soft brown velvet couches, black granite counters, and an enormous creamy brown bed that seemed to take a leaf from latte art. The walls were a warm vanilla with some deep reds. It held the air of a luxurious yet comfortable café lounge. Love hotels were no joke.

He noticed that there was only one fluffy chocolate crème bed centered in the room. Although initially he was taken back a few steps at the prospect of sharing the same bed with someone who he’d just met, he also remembered that Yuuri had already been pretty intimate with him. Just sharing the same bed for a night wouldn’t be a stretch would it?

          Yuuri didn’t seem to be unsettled at all. In fact, he looked right at home as he plopped himself on the freshly made bed sheets. All corners of the room had already been thoroughly inspected enough to take a rest, it seemed. He looked like the cat that got the cream as he felt around the bed to discover a few squares of pillow chocolates, taking a few for himself before offering Viktor some.

           He held it out and waved it at Viktor invitingly. Head tilting questioningly to the side like an invitation, more foreign words passed from his lips. “Kocchi Oide~ Chokoreto shitai?”

          Viktor didn’t know if Yuuri was acting so cute on purpose or if it somehow was just a quality of his. Never had Viktor wanted to completely understand Japanese more in his entire life. Either way, it was working- his internal temperature rising by a degree centigrade as he walked over to join Yuuri on the bed. The luxurious mattress was soft as goose down, but firm enough to bounce back with a sigh.

          “I wish I could understand everything that was coming out of your mouth right now. Would it be presumptuous of me to say that chokoreto is a true cognate?” Viktor pointed to himself, tilting his head to the side inquiringly. “Could this for me?” He asked again just to be sure.

          Yuuri responded by pushing the chocolate square onto Viktor more insistently so Viktor hurriedly popped it into his mouth before someone got hurt. The decadent chocolate melted from the heat of his tongue almost immediately and he hummed in delight as the sweet, buttery taste spread over his palate.

          “Mmm, vkusno!” He sighed in delight. To think that just a moment ago Viktor thought Japan was playing a cruel joke on him. Now, he was sharing a room with a random Japanese man who gives him chocolate and seems to be as enamored with Makkachin as he is. It was almost too good to be true, Viktor thought, as another chocolate square was pressed into his hands.

          And another. Viktor didn’t have time to start unwrapping the first. And another. Yuuri used it as a cover to inch closer. And another. His body warmth was probably working on melting the intricate logos stamped onto the chocolates through the foil wrapping. Yuuri ran out of chocolates, but it didn’t matter. Like a cat suddenly craving affection, he leaned heavily into Viktor’s side, sending up waves of heat that had Viktor melting- not unlike the hotel chocolates in his hands.

          For a second, Viktor didn’t quite know what to do with himself. If he kept breathing would the hot- figuratively and metaphorically- man practically sitting in his lap suddenly cease to exist? Between the quality chocolate boiling in his hands and deep chocolate irises setting him ablaze, Viktor knew what he wanted was already decided as the burning began to settle inappropriately. As his heart hammered away in his chest, he started to feel increasingly light-headed. Very slowly, so as not to disturb his beautiful dream he turned to place the melting chocolates on the nightstand and shakily breathe out the carbon dioxide that was slowly killing off all his brain cells.

          To his immense disappointment, Yuuri had disappeared from his side in favor of going to the bathroom. The sound of the shower turning on could be heard, muffled behind the bathroom doors. Viktor could feel his thoughts flickering back on, like an old movie projector warming up. Now alone, he worried the plush blankets between his fingers as he thought about what to do in the ten or fifteen minutes until Yuuri would finish his shower.

          Thinking back on it, he hadn’t been able to think very well the entire day. Really, the entire day had been so bizarre that thinking clearly was out of the question. Yuuri barely spoke any English, certainly no Russian and he did not spend any time learning conversational Japanese like Chris so why did it feel like they were both able to understand each other. Logically, he knew he had not really had an actual conversation with Yuuri, but somehow they were both able to make up for it in how over the top they both were.

          But now they were in a love hotel, soon to sleep in the same bed. He couldn’t tell for sure but he thought Yuuri seemed to express some kind of attraction towards him. At least, he didn’t think it was customary to make out with just anyone on arrival then point them towards an establishment for well… … love hotels were about making love, right? Oh god, he didn’t know. He didn’t know anything about Japan. What if the name was actually misleading? A sweet sound was coming from the same direction as the bathroom- like an angel’s touch. In a state of profound yet muted panic, Viktor picked up the only thing that reminds him who he is- his phone.

          The most obnoxious yet endearing ring tone in all existence cut right through Chris’s peaceful night. He opened his eyes to a dark ceiling slightly illuminated by the glow of his smartphone. Calmly, he let his breath out through his nostrils violently enough that they flared. He swiped to pick up the call.

          “Chris?” A slightly panicked voice came out of the receiver.

          “The one and only, mon cher.” he replied like it was second nature. “What happened Viktor? You sound a little tense. Oh, I know what happened.”

          “You do?” Viktor asked, disbelief and relief seeping into his tone.

          “Yes, yes, I know what’s going on so let me tell you what to do-and let me just assure you that size is an illusion.” Chris hardened his voice with the resolve only years of experience could produce. “It _can_ and it _will_ fit. Sometimes it takes a lot of preparation and lube also you can stop at _any time_ , but with _due process_ and in _due time…”_ Viktor almost screamed into the speaker but let out a strangled noise of frustration instead.

          “No! Not that! It’s about Yuuri.” Viktor grumbled, a hint of annoyance in his voice. Chris just made a confused sound, now moving to sit up in his bed so he could focus on the conversation.

          “But I _was_ talking about Yuuri.” Chris insisted, “who else would you be dicking with at this point?”

          “Ugh, just be quiet for a second Chris you’re derailing my thoughts.” Viktor rubbed at his temple with his free hand and took a deep calming breath. “Just help me answer some questions, please? And please try to be concise and as non-deprecating as possible because I don’t have much time until Yuuri comes back.”

          Chris hummed. “What are friends for?”

          “Ok, and this is going to sound stupid but what do people usually do at a love hotel?” Viktor asked already knowing how obvious it sounded.

          “Each other.” Chris replied, not missing a beat, “make love, if you’d prefer.” He left out the obvious _duh_ to save his friend’s feelings.

          “Ok, I just wanted to make sure. You know how things aren’t always as they seem.” Viktor rambled, “do you think Yuuri likes me? Sometimes he says things and he always looks so cute but what if he’s actually saying something like ‘your hair’s thinning!’ and maybe that’s why he’s laughing?”

          “Yeah that tends to happen when you have language barriers the size of entire hemispheres of the world, Viktor.” Chris just shook his head even though he knew Viktor couldn’t see it. “You can’t fix that problem overnight Viktor. Just use google translate or something.”

          “Ok, that sound like an idea. Oh, I think I just heard the shower turn off. Thanks, Chris and goodnight.” Viktor said, finally sounding confident in his new knowledge.

          “Merci, mon ami. Please do try to keep it down though.” He hung up before Viktor could counter him with any nonsense.

          Viktor was so weak. He told himself this as he turned his face into the spray of the shower. Yuuri had come out of the shower looking so _good._ So content yet dripping _everywhere_. The hotel towels were so small and Viktor never thought he would actually appreciate such a quality until now. If he thought Yuuri in a tracksuit was adorable, Yuuri without a tracksuit was not only just as cute but sexy as hell. Viktor turned the temperature down as his thoughts wandered. How soft would that hair feel as he grasped it between his fingers? How firm would those lean abs feel as he splayed his hand across them and pressed against them? Based on the telling curve of the towel, Yuuri’s posterior was also of the highest class. Viktor turned the temperature of the water down again.

          Yuuri hummed as he relaxed into the soft bedding. He preferred the luxurious plushness of the bed to his usually stuffy residency. He had used the tiny hotel towel to dry off as best as he could, before drying his hair and combing it to its usual sheen. He sighed as he donned the only other pair of clothes he had brought with him- his work clothes, although most would hesitate to even call them clothes in the first place. As an afterthought, he sent a ping to his boss to let him know how his first day was going. To think he would get such a sweet and confusing foreigner who had no idea what to do with him. In these kinds of scenarios, his inexperience was going to count against him the most but he felt too prideful to admit that he wasn’t sure what he was doing to his co-workers.

          ‘Viktor is taking an awfully long time in the shower’ he thought to himself. He gave himself a once over in the body length mirror before thinking to slick his hair back with the jar of moose he kept in his trainers. He settled himself comfortably into the sheets, preening once more for good measure.

          Oblivious to it all, Viktor stepped out of the shower and dried off, soon to be hit by one of the most life changing images of his life.

          When he went back into the room, refreshed from his shower, Yuuri was propped up against the head of the bed with one arm resting as a cushion behind his neck. If his pose weren’t suggestive enough, he was also wearing a loose black short sleeved crop top that exposed his stomach nicely. The words “PREMIUM” were superimposed on the front in bold cream lettering. His free hand was scrolling through his phone before he set it aside as he made eye contact with Viktor. He wet his lips nervously before sending Viktor a little a heated look and a sweet smile. Yuuri’s beckoning fingers curled invitingly towards the bed hypnotically.

          Without a coherent thought in his head Viktor stumbled forward.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I hinted that I was going to continue this? Ta da! I hope ppl actually read this I spent a lot of time on this strange niche gag fic.  
> Are the premises of this fic any more clear to you or are you just like 'I thought this was supposed to be an outlet for repressed coffee lovers'. Chapter 3 has the caffeine you're looking for trust me you strange people.  
> Does anyone feel bad for Chris? I feel bad for Chris, I'm going to give him a good life in a different story. For now he might have to stay in his side character lane tho, his plot device lane. *tears*  
> Fun facts!  
> -This was supposed to be a tragedy,  
> -It might still be a tragedy, but I'm leaning towards the good end. I might even split up the good and bad ends. One could contest Romeo and Juliet, the other could contest Eros and Psyche.  
> -Yuuri was never supposed to be in a crop top. I was hit with inspiration after watching boys in crop tops dance and sexy things on stage. Also someone made a crop top Yuuri appreciation post??? #blessed.  
> Also I live on comments pls give me the sugar I need to survive. SUBSCRIBE if you wanna get an email when Yuuri chapter slurp happens
> 
> Cash me on tumblr pls [mileenadelanoche](mileenadelanoche.tumblr.com)
> 
> Edit: I had a conversation with someone on tumblr and they gave me the idea to include the vine so here's the [Japanese Vine](https://vine.co/v/MxdhzTM22mD)


	3. Dreams of Cream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor doesn't towel off properly once out of the shower and catches a case of the feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for leaving kudos and so many nice comment last time! This is what keeps me going. Thank you for your patronage. We are almost to the end!

          Viktor had not taken more than two steps before he slipped on the shiny wood flooring sending him flying forward with a yell. His eyes widened as the floor came rushing up at him like a category 5 hurricane and he knew he fucked up. He narrowly avoided a concussion as he was able to throw his hands out in front, abandoning his towel for his health—life flashing before his eyes. He froze in that position, ass bare and on all-fours as Yuuri scrambled from the bed to check on him, worried that Viktor was worse off than he looked.

          And damn, if he didn’t look like a complete fool on the floor, still dripping wet with how terrible of a job he’d done at drying off- the reason why he was even in his predicament. Sometimes he wondered if some higher power was messing with his luck every five seconds. He’s famous: he has no love life. Go to Japan: monkey steals his wallet. Meet a beautiful Japanese man: embarrass him in a love hotel with said Japanese man.

“Viktoru?!” Ah, sweet Yuuri, he sounded so concerned and far away. His platinum hair had fallen in a wet mess in front of his face and was dripping all over the wood flooring. This was so embarrassing, he’d just ruined his chances of- wait, what was he just going to do? If he had made it to the bed, what exactly had he been planning on doing with Yuuri? Oh god, he’d airdropped his entire brain to his dick in an instant and the worst part is he didn’t even feel it leave.

          Suddenly, Yuuri’s feet were right in front of him and wow, he didn’t think he had a foot fetish but was he really in a position to think at the moment? Fortunately, he wasn’t given enough time to dwell on it as he starred at coffee colored eyes and an angelic face again. His sweet coffee man had knelt down to his level, looking a bit amused and a bit concerned. How could he make such a good person worry about him? Was he usually this useless?

          Without a second thought, he let Yuuri help him up, leading him by the hand back to the bed buck-naked and shining with all the water he failed to dry off him. Sitting on the bed naked felt strange, but at least Yuuri was in front of him in all his crop-top glory. The slightly orange glow of the ambient lights in the room made him absolutely glow. He shined brighter than any oiled-up model, an illusion of dramatic firefly lights flashing behind him. In contrast he looked down at his pale legs and fully-exposed flaccid dick. Huh, charming. The towel that he’d dropped on the floor was being flipped around in Yuuri’s right hand before it obscured his beautiful view.

          As if tending to a child instead of a fully-grown man, Yuuri dried Viktor’s hair by messily ruffling the towel, tugging and kneading every which way. Probably considering that he was not able to make good decisions for himself, Viktor let his head get tousled about by this sexed-up version of Yuuri. He didn’t complain if he thought his hair was being tugged too hard because the nice feel of deft hands kneading his scalp was worth it.

          His endurance paid off when Yuuri had finished, because he burst into a fit of giggles as soon as the towel was pulled aside. He could _feel_ that his hair was an absolute disaster- damp ends sticking out every which way like a silkie chicken. But he didn’t care, smiling like an idiot even as possibly the sexiest man in the world was laughing at his expense. And really, who wouldn’t laugh at him? A damp, completely naked man with a white pom pom for hair that had no coordination apparently.

          “Vikutor-san, Daijoubu desu ka?” Yuuri asked, all smiles. Or at least, it sounded like a question to Viktor and he was reminded of how bizarre this whole situation was. Not understanding anything aside from knowing it was a question directed at him, he just shook his head, hair floofing up even more as a result.

          “Yuuri, I really wish I could but I can’t understand, ah! Wait!” The quintessential, floating lightbulb of sudden genius flickered on above his head. Viktor put up his hand up as if trying to sign to Yuuri to stop for a second as he scrambled to get his phone out of his bag near the bed.  

Yuuri looked puzzled as Viktor flipped through his applications like a man on a mission before handing it to him. The translator app was open and set to translate Japanese to English and it dawned on him that Viktor wanted to communicate with him more.

“I know!” Excitedly, he plopped himself next to Viktor, uncaring that he was still totally naked. The plush bed jiggled before accommodating both of their weights. Only the sound of rapid-fire typing could be heard through the room as His Nakedness waited for a response. When his phone was pushed back to him he balked at how much text was on the screen. Yuuri must have some really skilled hands to have such a high APM. Maybe he liked video games?

_“Are you okay? Are you hurting something?_

_Do you want medicine? Do you need to call the hospital?_

_Are you cold? Are you hungry?_

_Are you tired?”_

When Viktor looked up from the block of text, two very close coffee eyes were staring at him expectantly and he smiled amusingly before typing out his response. I Yuuri was the epitome of a doe-eyed prince with honest, open eyes and slightly slicked back hair. He was so handsome that Viktor had a hard time believing he was a real person—as if he would somehow just blend into the resplendent décor of the coffee-themed room and vanish.

“ _You’re so beautiful. Your eyes are beautiful. I’m more than okay with you next to me_ _♡_ _(_ _♥ω♥_ _) ~_ _♪_ _( ^_ _♡_ _^)”_

Viktor smiled, content with himself as Yuuri started to blush pink before another message was shoved at him.

_“Stop! I’m not so beautiful.  and you didn’t really answer any of my questions!”_

Viktor chuckled at how flustered Yuuri was as he tugged him closer, not caring that he was naked anymore. As he was typing out his answer, he had an idea. What if—what if instead of waiting for Yuuri to read his answer, he could try to read the phonetics and speak butchered Japanese? Perfect idea, hopefully it would get him a happy Yuuri. His eyes widened as he looked at the huge block of intimidating Japanese characters before looking at the equally as intimidating phonetics beneath. Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself- now or never.

          “Yuuri~!” he singsonged to get his attention. It was super effective as Yuuri looked at him questioningly. Viktor shook his head as Yuuri tried to take the phone from his hand, probably curious as to what he wrote. “No~!” he said, holding the phone out of Yuuri’s reach. “I will speak this time!” Promptly wrapping his arm around Yuuri’s waist so he couldn’t escape he cleared his throat before speaking directly into his ear with the huskiest voice he could mutter.

          **_“Anata—”_** The first word hadn’t gotten out before Yuuri squealed and squirmed in his grip as hot breath carried terrible Japanese into his ear. It was no use as the arm around him just tightened as Viktor started again.

          **_“Anata wa… konoyo de mottomo… ut? Utu? Uhhhhh”_** Viktor turned away to squint at the tiny phonetics, giving Yuuri’s ears a small reprieve. How was he supposed to pronounce that monstrosity?

          “Stoppu!” Yuuri squealed as he tried to scrunch his shoulders up to protect his violated ears from further damage, “Stoppu, Vikutor!”

          “No Yuuri! Because this Viktor is not a quitter! One more time!” He leaned in close again, Yuuri shying away as his fringe tickled his ear lobe.

          **_“Konoyo de mottomo… utsukushiiiii”_** he stressed the ending and Yuuri caved in on himself more, laughing loudly, “ ** _hito desu.”_** Viktor had heard enough Japanese to know what was and was not Japanese and _that_ was not it. His intonation was probably everywhere and his pronunciation had to have been horrible. But Yuuri was shaking n his arms because he was laughing so hard so he must have done something right.

          “Was it that bad, Yuuri? Give me compliments, Yuuri, was my Japanese that bad?” Viktor mocked whined as he searched for Yuuri’s eyes which were screwed shut with pure joy as he kept laughing.

          Yuuri took a moment to wipe the tears away from the corners of his eyes before looking up at Viktor again, mirth and mischief in his eyes.

          “Vikutor, Japanese, very bad!” he giggled like he was making the funniest joke in the world and Viktor felt his heart tighten like it was being tied up with string—bits and pieces of it falling out the seams and into Yuuri’s hands. Gosh, he was the most enchanting man in the world. Who else could have turned what was potentially the most terrible day in history into something so enjoyable? He was still sitting next to him, naked as the day he was born and Yuuri was just laughing with him. Oh, he would throw away all his designer whatever if it meant he could keep this man next to him forever.

          He was imagining Yuuri squealing in delight as he introduced him to Makkachin. If he would let him, he’d fly them to St. Petersburg in an instant and he’d show him his favorite places. He’d walk the bank of the Neva with him, hand-in-hand as the sunset glistened off the granite and reflected the beautiful city on its calm surface. How would Yuuri look in a pair of ice skates-stunning no doubt. And if he didn’t already love ice skating he’d teach him how to love it and he would never have to go to the rink feeling like he was just skating for himself because he had no other choice. Because how could he skate for himself if such a radiant person was in his life? And he was probably just thinking nonsense and they don’t share a language but, god, he wanted—no he _needed_ to learn Japanese now so he could tell him everything he could tell him in Russian and in English in a way that he could truly understand. And Yuuri was looking at him now, probably confused as to why he was staring at him like a love-struck idiot because that is exactly what he is now and forever if Yuuri reciprocated just a little bit.

          He loosened his grip on Yuuri and leaned in slowly, hesitant. If he felt Yuuri shrink away he’d stop, even if that’s the last thing he wanted to do. The bed creaked nervously as his weight shifted towards Yuuri and he suddenly had a bad case of rubatosis- his heartbeat picking up on an off-beat. But then, Yuuri was pushing him away and, as promised, he heart fell back feeling more forlorn than ever until there was the warm, familiar taste of slightly chapped coffee on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, friends! Finals happened!  
> Also, this is my second most popular work omg I didn't think such a strange idea would call out to so many ppl  
> Anyways, I thought this would be the last chapter where the slurp happens but surprise! Your author chickened out!  
> Surprise! Now we have a chapter 4 set up for the smut this is as much of a trial of discovery for you as it is for me lol
> 
> Viktor was trying to say Anata wa konoyo de mottomo utsukushii hito desu "You are the most beautiful person in the world" in Japanese and while the translation was right as far as I know, it definitely did not sound right lol.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](mileenadelanoche.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> Fun fact: Your author only likes Thai Coffee and hates anything bitter.  
> P.S: Really love those comments from you sweet coffee ppl.


	4. Dunkin' On Deez Nutz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The slurp before the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all that left kind comments last chapter! Here's the slurp-time delivered in a way that you didn't know you wanted.

          Viktor sighed into the kiss, letting Yuuri push him down further into the plush pillows. The tight feeling of trepidation that had sunk in his chest earlier began unwinding into a warm feeling that spread up his neck and colored him with a warm ruddy blush. Yuuri was aggressive- his lips nearly crushing in their intensity as he licked his way wetly into Viktor who welcomed it with a throaty hum. He nearly choked as that slimy, warm muscle pushed and prodded demandingly at every crevice of his mouth, pausing at times to slide across his own tongue before heading near the back of his throat like a huge slug with a death wish.

          Not a single part of Yuuri’s body was idling as he ground his training pants into Viktor’s exposed crotch, not missing when the man under him groaned louder. He shivered as large, cold hands rubbed up and down his abdomen in reverence, sometimes pushing him to grind down harder or going up to tease his chest with fingers that had been well taken care of- the manicured nails scraping lightly at dusky nipples.

          Viktor closed his eyes as Yuuri canted his hips down in just the right way- the cloth of his trainers effectively teasing his hardening cock. It was frustrating- almost painful as he realized that Yuuri was practically fully clothed while he was ass-bare, the loosening sheets beneath him making it obvious as he shifted under Yuuri’s ministrations. He couldn’t even vocalize his displeasure as Yuuri kept kissing him until he was lightheaded—turning his thoughts into cotton candy. Soft, warm hands were caressing his face, threading into his hair. Blunt nails kneaded his scalp like a skilled baker—his head the bread—and Viktor found that he couldn’t find the fight to complain anymore. Just like in their first meeting, the sweet-bitterness of coffee flooded into his mouth as Yuuri sloppily made-out with him. Viktor had to pause to swallow at times, breathing heavily through his nose because he knew the dementor above wouldn’t relinquish him from his coma-inducing kisses.

          Before long, Viktor thought that he might actually die like this so he pushed at Yuuri’s chest to take a breather. Propped up by his elbows, he inhaled- oxygen deprived lungs expanding through the motions until Yuuri became one solid figure and the black stars disappeared from his sight. He was pleased to see that the raven-haired man was just as breathless as him- panting quietly through his mouth, lips a full red.

          “Haa, haa… wow…Yuuri” he called his name, breathless as that vixen finally, _finally_ , began to take off all the clothes that had so offended Viktor before. The first thing to go was the crop top which was almost a shame, the little thing easily tossed up and over his head and Viktor finally got a good look at the nipples he has teased before. They were a light dusky brown- the area around them a warm pink with how brutally Viktor had pinched at them earlier and _god he wanted to lick them. Would they taste like coffee too or would milk come out, warm on his tongue? What the fuck._ Viktor mentally kicked himself, overwhelmed with his own perversion. He’d even sat up to get closer to them, Yuuri now seated nicely on his thighs—erect cock pushing very obviously at his trainers to create the only tent Viktor would want to camp in over the weekend.

          As much as he loved the nice view of Yuuri on top of him, those trainers were not disappearing nearly as fast as he wanted so he grabbed at that exposed waist- just slightly more tanned than his- and flipped them over so he was hovering over Yuuri’s thighs. Feeling confident, he stuck his fingers on either side of Yuuri’s waistband before looking at his face for confirmation.

          “Is this Ok?” Viktor breathed out as he tapped on his sides with his fingertips, lightly scratching at soft skin with his blunt nails. When Yuuri just blushed and grabbed at the pillows he continued, hoping that his message would be conveyed through the language barrier. “We can stop if you want.”

          Yuuri just shook his head, his lightly slicked back hair coming undone as he wriggled in the sheets. Using his legs as leverage, he lifted his hips which was enough confirmation for Viktor that Yuuri wanted to do this as much as he did. With a green light approved by the Japanese traffic police, those offending black trainers were yanked off like a magician pulling a cloth from a dining table leaving one hot serving of almost-naked Yuuri save for something that should not even qualify as underwear.

          Unlike the rest of his clothes, his undergarment wasn’t black which was a welcome surprise. Instead, it was made of a tangle of imposing creamy white lace cut into the elegant shape of low rise briefs. It left nothing to the imagination, Yuuri may as well have been wearing water vapor as Victor could clearly see his hard-on straining to meet him where he was. It was almost romantic, that Yuuri would be reaching for him with every part of his body. Through the cloth of the lace briefs, he could see that it was a few shades darker than the surrounding skin and would fit nicely in his palm…

          A few seconds went by without anything happening aside from Viktor staring at him with this thunderstruck look on his face. _‘Why is he staring at it like that? Does it look strange? Do men in lingerie turn him off?’_ Before Yuuri’s trademarked anxiety could rear its ugly head, Viktor surged forward, breath just inches away from Yuuri’s crotch as his hands went to knead at fleshy thighs. He was a skilled baker and those thighs were made of coffeehouse bread.

          Without warning, Viktor began to mouth hotly up and down Yuuri’s length, ruining those pristine white lace briefs in the process. Yuuri let out small sighs of pleasure as Viktor teased. Stray strands of silver hair tickling his thighs, he couldn’t help but squirm. It wasn’t quite the stimulation that he wanted but it still felt exceptionally good as Viktor lapped and mouthed at him through the flimsy yet bothersome lace barrier. He went so far as to arch his hips off the bed, both rewarding Viktor for his hard work yet still begging for more of the pleasure he craved.

          “Mmm… m-motto…” whispered Yuuri as he lightly squeezed Viktor’s head with his thighs, egging him on for more, _more._ Without the extra assist from those thick thighs, Viktor seemed to understand his pleas because no sooner had he uttered the words than the ruined lingerie was whisked away and discarded somewhere on the floor. Without the lace on, Yuuri’s dark red beacon of fertility sprung up in the likeness of a weathered yet trusty lighthouse steering weary sailors safely to shore. Billowing waves crashing onto the dark, seaweed covered rocks; Viktor could hear the crashing, the cry of the gulls. It was breathtaking.

          He surveyed up and down Yuuri’s body slowly, trying to commit this image to memory- his tousled hair, creamy skin looking like the only coffee art that matters as it contrasted with the chocolate-crème sheets of the hotel bed. The sight before him was the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid on; Viktor was so overwhelmed with emotion. There was no other way to describe Yuuri aside from the muse, something that could only be conveyed through the masterful wordings of pure poetry.

          His tip shone brightly—

          a guiding light… Viktor knew

          where he’d dock t’night.

          -- _The Lighthouse_ , Littlenaga

          Without further preamble, Viktor dunked on that dick like any coffee-crazed lover would—deepthroating it like a biscotti— _indecent and with more vigor than any Italian lover._ Yuuri cried out in surprise, legs squirming and spine arching at the sensation of being enveloped into wet heat.

          Yuuri tried bucking up, his abdominals tightening up uselessly as Viktor held his hips down by his thighs. As he whined in protest at being restrained, Viktor just kept licking at the length in his mouth. Yuuri’s wasn’t too long but had a nice girth so Viktor tried flattening his tongue to get at as much of him as possible. The hands fisted in his hair pulled in agreement and he smirked in satisfaction, moaning as Yuuri pulled almost painfully at his locks. Of course he would have a secret masochistic streak—heat began pooling in his pelvis in interest as the tug on his scalp began to burn.

          Yuuri became more vocal, his loud panting joining the messy squelching sounds of lips and saliva as Viktor bobbed his head up and down with renewed vigor. A stifled moan was the only warning before he came into Viktor’s mouth hotly, shuddering with his release. He moaned, a completely boneless, babbling mess in the sheets as Viktor sucked at the head- milking him for all he was worth.

           But Viktor wasn’t stopping, he’d been caught by surprise in more ways than one when sniper rifle Yuuri shot all over his tongue. After getting over the initial shock, he realized that Yuuri’s cum was thinner than normal like warm milk and slightly sweet and… oh. He didn’t quite believe it until he sucked harder, making Yuuri jolt up in his hands. This had to be the most absolutely bizarre thing that’s ever happened to him. Pulling away so Yuuri could finally rest in peace, Viktor sat back on his haunches so he could lick the excess on his lips. With a face that said deep-in-thought Viktor smacked his lips, savoring the taste like one would a fine wine. He knew this taste. He’d go so far as to say that he may encounter this taste several times on a regular week.

 

          Coffee creamer. Yuuri cums coffee creamer. Apart from his raging hard-on that still demanded attention, Viktor was absolutely stunned as his blood-deprived brain tried to process this raw data and maybe make a delicious pie chart. Sure, Yuuri tasted like coffee but that could easily be explained by the circumstance that he just drank tons of it before meeting Viktor. It was a flimsy explanation but it made sense in some universe—he didn’t have enough brain power to really put on the restraints of the present on his thoughts.

Viktor looked down at Yuuri who was looking up at him with hazy eyes, one arm tucked under a pillow and limbs askew. If that wasn’t the most endearingly sexy thing in the world, then that definitely looked like a person who necessitates coffee in their lifestyle. As for the coffee creamer cum, hereby referred to as CCC, there was no scientific nor rational explanation for it.

         

          As Yuuri stirred from his post-orgasmic bliss, he reached up and beckoned for Viktor to lie down with him. Heart squeezing with pure loving instinct for Yuuri, Viktor did as told because who could deny such a cute request? Such a handsome face? If Yuuri fell asleep next to his boner he wouldn’t even be mad, he’s already been provided with so much. Praised be the coffee lords that provide for their followers.

          No sooner had Viktor thought these pure thoughts than Yuuri had already clambered completely on top of him—his warmth from writhing in the sheets a welcome contrast as it spread wherever Yuuri wanted to situate himself. Viktor could feel that nice, round butt pushing on his erection and the gust of Yuuri’s warm breath as he exhaled.

          Reaching past Viktor to feel under the pillows, Yuuri seemed to magically produce a bottle of lube.

          “Jaan!” he shouted with all the bravado of unveiling a rabbit from a magician’s hat while he waved the small bottle of lube in front of Viktor’s eyes. Yuuri was amazing, not only could he spout coffee and creamer from his body, he could even produce lube from behind Viktor’s ear. That’s gotta be worth at least a small roll of quarters, the magicians of tomorrow would have to step up their game.

          Instead of following the strong urge to clap at any magic trick Viktor just shouted back his own surprise— _wow, amazing!_ —before slipping the lube carefully out of Yuuri’s hands and lubricating his fingers. It felt slimy and cool on his hands, A short sticky string forming and snapping in the gap as he tapped them together.  

          “Relax, Yuuri, sweet coffee bean of mine.” he whispered into his hair, conveying a calm feeling through his voice as he inched his lubricated fingers near Yuuri’s entrance. Like a beast being soothed by soft melodies, Viktor could feel him physically loosening up on top of him as his muscles unwound. The only sign that the warm blanket on him wasn’t being pulled into a dream was the deep breaths he took as he buried his face in the crook of Viktor’s neck.

          While Viktor was circling his entrance a few times so his sweet coffee bean could get used to the feeling, Yuuri began to moan softly right under his ear, lips grazing the space there. The soft, needy sounds causing Viktor to shudder a little as a fresh wave of arousal struck through him with passionate electric. He pressed in past the first ring of muscle and Yuuri tensed at the intrusion, the second sphincter and Yuuri let out a shuddering breath. He couldn’t tell if he was feeling discomfort or not because Yuuri was hiding his face in Viktor’s neck.

          Viktor groaned in appreciation while slowly sinking his forefinger into velvety heat. Just a bit, he pulled his finger out before pushing back in marveling at how smooth and hot it felt as he moved his finger around to prod around Yuuri’s insides. With his other hand, he slid it down the planes of that slightly bowed back before stopping to knead at his fleshy, yet firm butt. He knew that he’d found a good spot as Yuuri keened hotly into his ear, grinding down on him as he moved to kiss and suck at the junction between his neck and collarbone.

          Viktor closed his eyes, losing himself to the sensation of Yuuri playing him like a harp, plucking at his chords. Feeling daring, he added another finger loving how Yuuri’s moaned were muffled, vibrating low against his throat as the squirming man unraveled like a cloth soaking in hot springs, before all too soon it was over as his hands were pushed away. Leaving Viktor’s throat red with one final suck, Yuuri reached back to feel Viktor’s arousal and groaned at how it rubbed hot and leaking on the curve of his ass.

          Yuuri looked beautiful with his mouth slightly open, face flushed a pretty red and body covered in a light sheen of sweat. He hadn’t noticed it while Yuuri was hugged so tightly to him but he had recovered well, his cock dark, leaking precum at the tip and half hard. “Yuuri…” Viktor sighed his name out breathlessly as he settled his hands on either side of Yuuri’s hips.

          Yuuri pumped up Viktor’s shaft a few times as he raised himself up from his straddle, positioning himself so that if he just added a bit of pressure the head of Viktor’s erection would slide into him. Viktor couldn’t do it anymore. He was a goner. The man on top of him was just so otherworldly that he couldn’t bring himself to do anything, the hands on Yuuri’s hips now feeling unworthy like a balding peasant begging before a lord that probably put precise slices of black truffle on his breakfast cereal before stabbing him with that same sharp knife. Sad as that sounds, in his heart he felt that he died happy.

          But Yuuri, sweet coffee bean that he was, pulled him from the dark ages as he covered the hands on his hips with his own and smiled like honeysuckle.

          “Vikutor,” he murmured, gaining Viktor’s undivided attention, “boku no koto wo mitete…” The last words fell out of his lips like a whisper as he lowered his hips, sinking down onto him like _the Titanic_. Viktor’s erection slowly grinding into him like _the infamous iceberg_ in that rather horrific metaphor. Yuuri bit on his lower lip lustfully at the rush of being _filled_ with _hot dick_ instead of _frigid seawater_ until he was flush against Viktor. It was almost too much, the stretch and the heat tingling up his backside. Belatedly, he noted that Viktor was trying to soothe him as he was probably making a pained expression.

          Viktor rubbed up and down Yuuri’s sides gingerly, swallowing hard as Yuuri worried his lip between his lips, eyes screwed shut as he rocked his hips back and forth like the flow of milk following convection currents as it was poured slowly into some classic java. The view was hypnotic as Yuuri swayed back and forth, rising and sinking every once in a while. It was almost like a feverish dream has manifested in front of him as Yuuri’s face relaxed and went slack with pleasure, letting out soft moans when he was feeling particularly pleased.

          As Yuuri became more pliant in his hands, Viktor began to thrust up to meet him even as his hair began to fall in front of his eyes. _‘Heretics!’_ he screamed internally, _‘what would dare block such a blessed view?!’_ With every drop of those hips Viktor moaned lowly in his throat and Yuuri began crying out in punch out whines. A few stray tears fell from the edge of his eyes as he was overwhelmed with pleasure, sweet spot being assaulted with every other rhythmic thrust.

          Viktor picked up the pace, grunting with exertion as he fell out of time with Yuuri, forcefully breaking the tempo as he fucked upwards into that soft, wet heat with wild abandon. Yuuri’s legs shook, thumping into the mattress as his nervous system overdosed on pleasure—moans and mindless drivel being drawn out from his mouth as he came untouched and shot creamer all over his own abdomen. He was so out of it he went limp as Viktor manhandled him backwards into the sheets. Holding himself back, he pulled out and jacked himself off a few times before releasing into his hand—whole body shuddering with his release. He collapsed next to Yuuri, face first into the bed sheets utterly spent. Miraculously, they had somehow fucked so hard that they were now panting on the bed upside-down. The comfortable, chilled pillows uselessly out of reach near their feet.

          Once he caught his breath, Viktor turned to prop his head up on his elbow so he could get a better vantage point of Yuuri. His sweet coffee boy looked absolutely ravished, too tired to even care about the creamer drying on his abdomen. But this was no matter, Viktor could take care of that easily. If anything at all, Viktor knew how to give a fuck and do the after-fuck as well. No awkward goodbyes for him, not if he had any hand in the matter.

          He scooted closer to Yuuri who cracked a tired eye at him, grunting his inquiry a second too late. Viktor reached over with his two fingers and reverently trailed a long stripe up Yuuri’s abdomen, making sure to follow the happy cream trails before making a show of sticking them into his mouth and slurping. Yep, it hadn’t been his imagination. That was one hundred percent genuine CCC.

          Yuuri made the most perplexed yet mildly disturbed face in the world as if to say ‘ _oh no, you like that shite?’_ and Viktor couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of his chest. He loved this man more and more the longer he stayed close to him. Did Yuuri not like coffee creamer? He supposed it could be an acquired taste since he all but lived off it. Oh well, more for him.

          The rest of the night was spent in the gentle folds of the amber lights in the room, dimmed so that Viktor could just barely make out Yuuri’s face in the dark. He quickly cleaned both Yuuri and himself off, using his tongue for as long as his smiling java prince would put up with. Until the sweetness would disappear, he continued onwards with long, languid swipes of his tongue enjoying how Yuuri’s stomach caved in where it tickled. Only when Yuuri physically pushed his head away did he relent—moving torturously away to the bath to prepare some warm, lightly damp towels for clean-up.

          They fell asleep slotted against each other, Yuuri fitting nicely against Viktor’s chest. Completely totaled for the night, they began to fall into deep slumber as they found a position that was comfortable for both of them. Just before they slipped away, Yuuri whispered something softly into Viktor who smiled stupidly as he caught his name.

_“Oyasumi, Viktor. Mata Ashita…”_

          Viktor dreamt of coffee kisses and the golden, gleaming promise of forever with only the St. Petersburg sunset and the evening sparkle of the Neva as witness. If he noticed the sudden gale, the warm front billowing upon him beneath the sheets followed by the odoriferous smell of freshly ground coffee beans, he laid there just basking in the ambiance.

          …

          ---

          …

          Before long, he fell asleep smiling, warm, and blissfully unaware of the tempests of tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tfw Yuuri dunks on Viktor's donuts. I've never put so much effort into writing smut and what I mean to say is I have no experience in the field  
> T/N:
> 
> motto - more   
> Jaan - surprise! or Ta-da!   
> boku no koto wo mitete - Look at me (insistent command)  
> Oyasumi Viktor, Mata Ashita - Good night, Viktor, See you tomorrow (dam Yuuri tht lyin binch) (informal)
> 
> Things I researched for this:  
> What lighthouses look like  
> Anatomy of the anus (did you know there are TWO sphincters down there? shook af)  
> I'm really proud of myself because this is probably the longest chapter in this fic and it's just weird-ass smut. It has everything: a haiku, Titanic metaphors, random uses of oceanic imagery despite the premise of coffee, and the quintessential White Chicks reference.  
> This started as a spur-of-brilliance one-shot, man this fic has really escaped me. 
> 
> Are you not amused? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? Pls Let me know


	5. Please, recycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor wakes up with a pain in his back. What knocks at the door is not opportunity but, at least it's not a serial killer.

          …

          ---

          …

 

          When Viktor stirred away he already knew something was wrong. For one, he had been unceremoniously pulled from the happy dream that was rapidly being ground into dust as he became more aware of himself all while his heavy eyelids were still closed with the pull of sleep. Two, the soft sheets that he’d fallen asleep in felt like they were riddled with hard bumps that were pressing painfully into his back like sharp barnacles. And most importantly, he was cold even though someone had been snuggling so warmly against him as he fell asleep. _Yuuri._ His sleep-addled mind provided. _Where is Yuuri?_

          “Yuuri?” he called out, voice raspy and mouth full of sour cotton. Feeling around, his eyes shot open as he felt smooth metal brush against his arm and he was met with a legion of what looked like a legion of enormous shiny black caterpillars. He shot up with a terrified shout, arms flailing as he knocked them away from him and they clanged hollowly on the wooden floor. It was deafening—the metallic sound reverberating off the walls and unceasing as Viktor continued to panic as he felt even more cans pressing into his backside. _What the fuck was happening! What happened to Yuuri?!_

          He stood up on the bed too fast and became nauseated as he succumbed to vertigo. The sudden loss of balance made him pitch over, bouncing painfully off the mixture of bed and cans before meeting the floor with a back-breaking **_thud_** _!_

          “ARGH! Ow, ow, ow…” he cried out as his back crunched onto possibly the most satanic imitation of a lego in the world. He held the back of his throbbing head gingerly, curling in on himself as he tried to get his bearings. When he saw them, he knew that he had not woken up to any normal Hell.

          Coffee cans. On the floor. Coffee cans. On the bed. Coffee Cans. Digging into his spine… looking at him with murderous intent. They knew he was old, injured, and vulnerable. Hundreds maybe even millions of them. Coffee cans— _everywhere_.

          His brain was smoking as it tried to catch up, heart thumping as the adrenaline hit his bloodstream; world slowing down to process a reality that was too much. The second thing. How could he forget for even a second, the next morsel of data in the queue of his neurons translocated.

 _Yuuri._ His sweet coffee angel. If the equivalent of a military-grade warhead was not digging into his backside, he’d probably blush at some of the provocative images entering his mind: that pure smiling bespectacled face followed by an erotic expression that had his heart racing for a different reason. Head whipping from side to side, he tried to look for some sign. Where could he have gone?! **_Gone_**. Gone like his peace of mind. Yuuri was nowhere to be found, no matter how he strained his eyes as they scanned every corner of the room. His limbs finally listened to him, trembling with panic as he finally sat up. The crumpled can buried in his back popped off, it sounded like an explosion as it hit the ground before the room fell back into white silence.

          In total shock—blood rushing past his ears at a mile-a-minute, Viktor did the only thing a man who was naked and afraid could do. Burying his hands in his unkempt hair, Viktor took a deep breath before letting out a blood-curdling scream.

          Suddenly, he heard someone loudly rapping on the hotel door and Viktor screamed even louder, curling in on himself while screwing his eyes shut to try and will the nightmare away. With his luck Poe’s Raven would be on his doorstep, waiting to deliver his soul. He clenched his hands over his ears, trying with all his might to will away the bad of this morning because nothing had ever gone so wrong in his _life_.

          “Hello Viktor, are you in there? Holy shit what the- what, Viktor! Calm down!” Viktor did not calm down in the slightest, scrambling to pick up anything he could use to defend himself with. The strength to survive burning in his eyes, he wouldn’t go down without a fucking _fight_. No, fuck dying, _this Viktor was not a fucking quitter!_ Shaking like a cornered dog, Viktor pressed his back against the wall with his hackles raised and fully armed with a small pile of military-grade aluminum cans.

          “ **LEAVE ME THE _FUCK_ ALONE**!” Viktor screeched, tears flowing freely down his face as he threw a half-crumbled projectile at the door.

          “Viktor!” The can crashed against the door. “ _What_ in god’s name was that? It’s okay, it’s just me, it’s Chris!” the person on the other side pleaded.

          “NO NO NO NONONONONO!” Viktor screamed, still terrified and inconsolable as he shut his ear with one hand and kept throwing the coffee cans with the other; they were his new allies in this desperate struggle for his life.

          “Christ, Viktor! Chris! It’s Chris! Chris, your friend! _Holy-_ would you take a **fucking second** and actually **LISTEN TO ME**. _CHRIS_. IT’S CHRIS OPEN UP!!!” The man, now identifiable as Chris, half-screamed and half-yelled which seemed to do the trick as the inside of the room became quiet. “Viktor?” he asked, concerned for the well-being of his friend.

          “Chris?” said a small, lost voice. A few moments later and the door clicked open and Chris saw perhaps the saddest sight in the world. Viktor looked like he had seen a ghost immediately followed by a horde of rabid serial killers. His face was a splotchy red, snot and tears running wildly down his cheeks—dripping down his chin like a northern downpour. Chris had never seen a single human being cry so hard in his lifetime save for a few distraught toddlers. More than that, Viktor was also entirely naked aside from a few coffee cans that were clutched to his chest for some odd reason

          “Hey,” Chris said softly, “Whoa, why are you crying? What happened to you?” He was going to ask about the coffee cans but he thought that might be pushing it—his friend looked very fragile right now.

          Rather than get a spoken answer out of Viktor who was still shaking and crying his eyes out, he was let into the room instead. No one could have prepared him for what he saw, not even a full season of Hoarders. Empty black coffee cans littered the floor, the bed; there were tons of them and they were everywhere. It made Chris’s skin crawl.

          “Holy hell, Viktor, what happened in here?” Chris walked near the bed to survey a can.  “Your hotel room looks like a piece of unfinished contemporary art.” He nudged a can with his foot. “and not even a good one.” He waited for Viktor to chuckle as he usually would before he realized that the problem was more serious than he thought.

          “On second thought,” he paused to clear the bed of any stray coffee cans, Viktor wincing as they clanged loudly on the ground. “Here, sit up here next to me and calm down. You can tell me what happened when you’re ready.”

          Viktor murmured a quiet thanks before sitting next to Chris. He let his friend rub his shoulder comforting him until he could get his breath back under control. This went on for about half an hour.

          “…So, here’s what happened from the very beginning, after you bought a drink at the hot and cold vending machine and I met Yuuri we came to the hotel…” Viktor recounted last night’s events and the situation he found in the morning, although he spared Chris from going into too much detail with his bout of passionate love-making. Chris probably wouldn’t have minded anyways, it was right up his alley and he hadn’t interrupted Viktor even once as yet as he babbled on and on. “… I don’t know Chris, I still can’t believe it. A crazy part of me thinks that Yuuri actually turned into all these coffee cans. There’s no other sane explanation. Who makes such sweet passionate love to you and then leaves you with nothing but hundreds of empty coffee cans?” Viktor sniffed as he kicked one of said cans. “He even talked to me in Japanese, Chris! Japanese! I didn’t know what he was saying but it sounded sweet, like he really meant it.”

           Chris made a stupefied face at that, although Viktor was too lost in his monologue to notice. His friend had officially lost all his marbles. Disregarding his last comment about Japanese people speaking Japanese, there’s no way that someone could taste like coffee products.

          “I miss him so much. If I’d known that he would do this to me I don’t think I would have laid my heart so bare for him.” Viktor sagged down with the weight of reality. Yuuri had stolen his heart from him, not leaving him even a lock of hair or an email address before leaving coldly in the night. A few leftover bitter tears ran down his nose. Was he doomed to never find true love?

          Chris sighed, as he reached a troubling conclusion. Viktor wasn’t going to like what he was going to hear, but he had to lest his friend stayed depressed forever. “I understand that you’re probably very upset and confused right now, but I need you to listen to me and not freak out. Can you do that?” Viktor seemed unconvinced and sad as ever but he nodded so Chris decided to rip off the band-aid.

          “I know you’ve always had this grand romantic fairytale outlook on life, but, and please don’t get hysterical,” he paused before he dropped the bomb, “assuming that you weren’t tripping balls last night, I think Yuuri might have been a prostitute.”

          Viktor scrunched his eyebrows together, a stormy expression passing over his face. “He's a- What do you mean he’s a prostitute? That doesn’t explain anything. I don’t…I didn’t pay him though?”

          Chris sighed. “What I’m trying to tell you is… it actually explains a lot. Think about it, he popped out of nowhere after _you_ slid _your card_ into the machine. Which reminds me, you should probably check your bank account and your wallet after I’m done talking.” He cleared his throat. “Alright, are you still with me? So why wouldn’t he jump out when I used the machine? I used the yen so he probably didn’t think I was worth the trouble.” Viktor just squeezed his lips tight, not liking that it made sense even in his fried head. “No normal person would just follow two strangers into a love hotel either, and Yuuri even pointed out a specific one for us which was, might I add, a lot more expensive than the others…”

          Suddenly, Chris made an enlightened sound, the proverbial lightbulb shining above his head. “Oh! Even the man at the front desk pretended like he couldn’t see Yuuri! He’s obviously turning a blind eye to the fact that his business is probably a front for a pimp! It makes perfect sense!” Chris said, a sparkle of excitement in his eyes at having played ace detective for the day.

          Viktor still shook his head, in total denial. “But we were going to go to a love hotel anyway, you can’t use that against him! And also,” he stammered, trying to collect his thoughts, “but what about the coffee kisses and the coffee creamer… the cans, what about that!? Use your induction to solve that, Sherlock!”

          Chris just huffed in total disbelief. “Drugs? Suggestive hypnosis? I don’t know! Why are you going so far to defend him over me? The only thing you even know about him is his first name and who knows if that is even real!” Chris scoffed as Viktor glared at him ready to jump back into the fire.

          Chris looked down at him with eyes that only two decades of sass could produce. “Wow, did you really think he loved you because, for one night, he showed you a good time?” In an instant, the angry expression on Viktor’s face was smudged off and Chris froze as the deep feeling of regret shot through him, realizing too late that he might have crossed a line.

          Viktor’s heart dropped to his gut, his mouth slamming shut into a pinched line. He was shaking as he felt hot tears welling up behind his eyes. He jerked away from Chris, walking towards his bag to pull out whatever clothes he could find. “Don’t you think I know that? I just- just-” he trailed off, pain in his voice.

          “Viktor, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” Chris rushed to apologize but Viktor just shook his head, not looking back at his friend.

          “Yeah, but you meant it… you’re probably right, too. At least you didn’t lie to me.” Viktor walked over to the bathroom to wash his face and rinse his mouth, combing through his hair to make it presentable. The sounds of running water and brushing teeth were the only things that carried to Chris who was still regretting what he said. His friend was a strong man. He had to be to stand being constantly bombarded by the forked tongues of the media. However, he’d noticed it over the years that love was a touchy topic for him. Whenever the media would speculate about a potential secret lover, he’d laugh it off though his smile became strained. Blink and you’d miss it.

          Viktor turned off the sink and sighed, refreshed. Walking back to the room, he picked up his bag and started heading for the door. Regarding him silently Chris wasn’t sure what to say. As he walked there was a strange bounce in his step. The door opened, the perpetual synthetic after-dark glow of the hallway lights flooding into the room.

          “Wait, where are you going?” Chris got up and started to follow him.

          Viktor turned around to finally look at Chris, a too-wide smile plastered on his face as he put his hand up, stopping his friend in his tracks. “I want to have a “good time” for the rest of my life so I’m going to find Yuuri to book him forever.” His eyes were gleaming with baseless hope as he slammed the door shut, the unspoken ‘ _don’t follow me, you bag of sweaty dicks’_ hanging in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left kudos last chapter! And the comments! oh, the comments! They were so nice I was looking a fool with how much I was smiling. Fast update, right? You guys really fired me up!  
> Viktor had a pretty rude awakening. Apologies for the cliff hanger, I get people asking questions as to who or what Yuuri actually is sometimes and I know it's not clear. It's okay, don't worry about it. Make a theory if it pleases you and let me know about it in the comment section below lol.  
> Come scream at me on tumblr @[mileenadelanoche](mileenadelanoche.tumblr.com)  
> See you at the next coffee covfefe!  
> T/N : covfefe means conference


	6. The Bitter Aftertaste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Viktor goes down  
> Yuuri goes up.  
> We know coffee can be bitter  
> Death rarely is sweet,  
> Phichit is there for some reason.

          Like sweet angels’ wings, strong gusts of wind caressed Yuuri’s body as he was slowly pulled from his deep slumber. His frame shivered as he felt the warmth being stolen from him by the cool air. Rudolf Clausius and William Thomson smiled down from the heavens, happy to know that the Second Law of Thermodynamics still applies. Their life’s work having reached the hearts and texts of any respectable and stressed science major.

          As Yuuri’s eyes opened to half-moons, the first thing that he noticed was how beautiful Tokyo looked at night from a bird eye’s view. Monsters made of carefully laid steel and shining glass reflecting the weak rays of the gibbous moon, the flashing signs and rolling late-night cars, the dark sparkling waters of the Pacific, the gyre of marine debris and plastic that make up the Great Pacific Trash Vortex… _ah the universal law of equivalent exchange floated into his subconscious: humankind cannot gain anything without somehow f*cking shit up in return._

          As the hideous result of the folly of humankind floated its way into Yuuri’s mind’s eye, he was startled awake and was so shaken by what he saw that his entire body froze. At least 10,000 feet, his mind supplied, he had to have been floating at least 10,000 feet in the air and it was only climbing—the city where he once was grounded rapidly becoming a spec as he was pulled up by what felt like the suction of a typhoon. His hair went wild with the force of the winds.

          The land and sea disappeared from his sight as he passed through a cloud, nothing but thick wispy water vapor. With eyes larger than a seal staring down the maw of a great white, Yuuri started yelling. Covering his eyes while balling himself up into the fetal position, he braced himself as he saw the nose of a Boeing 787 racing towards him.

          He barreled through the cabin as he was swallowed by the murmur of hundreds of passengers. A customer on the JAL sanctioned flight asked for dinner set A but, there were none left— _we are sorry to inform you._ As the words whizzed by him, Yuuri was overtaken by a sudden calm as he was ejected out the butt of the plane. Somehow, that was all the confirmation that he needed. This was probably a lucid dream.

          Floating to the outer reaches of the troposphere, the clouds became thinner and lighter until he broke through some invisible barrier. Eyes burning from the sudden light, he squinted to see that there was a glittery man dressed in red waiting for him at the pristine gates—the silver gates to what Yuuri assumed was supposed to be the afterlife or the planes of reincarnation.

          It felt like his body had lost all its mass as he began to walk towards the man—probably the guard of the gates. The clouds felt like quality alpaca wool beneath his feet-squishing lovingly between his toes, leaping to lick at his toned calves. Although aware of his phantom heart hammering away in his chest at the awe-inspiring sight, Yuuri felt some sort of unsettling peace flow up from his legs.

          That is, until he got close enough to the guard that he was noticed. The guard’s entire face dropped to the floor as he saw Yuuri before slowly morphing into one of euphoria, smile so wide that it could stretch from sea to shining sea. Something about that was extremely unsettling but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. The guard looked like he knew him. But, Yuuri didn’t think he’d ever encountered such a person in his life. He would have remembered such a flashy individual.

          Yuuri froze like a pole once the guard began to squeal—jumping up and down in excitement before speeding towards him like a bullet. A bullet with a stylish bowl-cut for a head.

          Ecstatic, the guard let out a happy shout before mowing down frozen Yuuri like a goat before a field of overgrown yet helpless grass. The air was forcefully removed from Yuuri’s lungs as he let out an _‘ack!_ ’.They both bounced across the clouds before sliding to a stop. Yuuri hissed painfully as the air mercifully returned to his body. What was the point of dreaming if he still felt pain? Wasn’t that a part of the deal? In exchange for suffering through daily life you were supposed to be able to escape to a nice fantasy at night. What did he do so wrong for the world to break rules just so his suffering could be prolonged?

          “YUURI!!!!” the guard on top blasted the stream of conscious right out of Yuuri’s head before having the conscious to pull away. Excited eyes looked down into bewildered eyes, Yuuri’s hair had spread around him like a faux crown from the force of the impact. “What are you doing here?! Last I checked you still had a good amount of time going for you, what happened? Wait, sorry I’ll get off you. Here, grab my hand.”

          Yuuri still looked disoriented as he was pulled onto his feet and dragged back to the golden gates. His eyes were still rolling from the fall as they looked in opposite directions. Stumbling a little, he sat upright as he was unceremoniously dumped onto a raised cloud lump.

          He felt a weight in his right hand and found that his blue-rimmed frames were being held there. Rubbing them a bit, he put them on wondering if they had always been there. The world regained its clarity. The guard who had been blurry before focused into a man with nice sun-tanned skin wearing a loose, over-the-shoulder red robe with gold accents. This close, Yuuri could see that his eyeliner was impeccable—gold swooping out to dark black wings. He was grinning widely so his pearly whites were shining. Even his eyes seemed to be smiling and he looked at Yuuri like a long-lost friend.

          “Who are you?” he asked confused before slapping his hand over his mouth in shock. _That’s not japanese!_ “What?!” He closed his mouth again as the beginnings of an identity crisis began to unfold. “ _What?!”_

          The guard just laughed his loud laugh as Yuuri became more and more troubled. “Yeah it always shocks people when they get up here but don’t worry about it!” He reached behind him to grab two long drink glasses and let them fill under the small ambrosial waterfall suddenly manifesting from out of the aether. He took a long sip from one and sighed in bliss. He handed one to Yuuri who looked like he wasn’t sure what to do with it as he held it nervously with both hands.

          “I don’t get paid at all to translate so I just make everyone default to a universal language up here. This language—that just happens to read like English—was conveniently imparted to your soul, spirit—your whatevertheheck—when you _died!_ **_Congratulations!_** You know what? We should toast.” The guard, still smiling like the sun, wiggled his fingers before ‘ _Presto!’_ a piece of golden brown toast exploded into existence right in front of Yuuri’s eyes.

          Yuuri went cross-eyed. His head was spinning. His dreams tended to be weird, but this was pushing it.

          “Did you like that, Yuuri? Looked like I was a handsome magician for a second, right? I wish David Blaine could have died to see this, he would have lost his _shit!”_ The guard cackled before sighing. “Aaahh, too bad magic’s not the same up here. Anyways, I’m getting off-topic.” He lifted his glass to Yuuri who still looked shell shocked. He didn’t look like he could process language in his bewildered state.

           “You’re supposed to cut me off when that happens, Yuuri! Now toast! Don’t give me that look, I know that you, of all people, should know how to toast!” The guard’s smile faltered a bit. “Fine then, I’ll show you. All’s you gotta do is gravitate the glasses together-like magnets.” He leaned forward and moved his glass slowly as to not further alarm the frightened creature. As the lips of the glasses clinked together he finished his narration. “Yep, just like that. Softly, like when two sexually repressed college dudes make their dicks kiss on a double-dog dare.” The guard sighed as he pulled back, eyes far away and full of nostalgia. “Ahh, the infinite stupidity of youth.”

          Yuuri looked more than mildly disturbed as he finally asked the question that had been bugging him for a while.

          “I’m dead?” he asked; the face of skepticism. “Then, are you supposed to be some sort of St. Peter?”

          The guard looked most offended at this remark. “Uuuhh, that’s Saint Phichit, _to you._ Do I even look like-“ the gatekeeper—Saint Phichit—looked like he was rearing to go into a rant about how no single man named Peter could pull off his look before he stopped himself. “-Actually, you know what? That’s fair. I’ll let you off the hook with that one. I’m more offended that you don’t remember me.” Phichit pouted as he sipped on his drink.

          “Have me met before?” Yuuri asked, trying to look back into his memories to see if he could recall anything. He kicked at the clouds gathering around his feet. “I can’t remember meeting you before…”

          Phichit just waved him off as if swatting away annoying flies. “It’s alright. Memories from past lives generally don’t carry over but, I know you are my Yuuri! I’m surprised you kept the same name—there must be some of you that’s left.” Phichit paused. “Ah, I wasn’t supposed to disclose any of that information. Forget I said anything.” He pointed at Yuuri’s untouched drink. “Take a sip of ambrosia, we have a lot to do!”

          With so much metaphysical knowledge entering his head, Yuuri’s head began to ache. From everything that he’d unwittingly gathered, he’d been good friends with Saint Phichit in a past life. That means either he used to be an angel or something or Phichit was a human beforehand. But more than that, apparently some kind of reincarnation exists. Did destiny exist? Why was he taking this in like it’s real? Wasn’t this supposed to be some elaborate dream? With all these thoughts storming his brain, Phichit’s cool ambrosia seemed more and more appealing. He took a refreshing sip. Sweet, slightly bitter, caffeinated milky goodness exploded in his mouth.

          “I think…” He took another sip. “Isn’t this just Thai coffee? I thought you said this was ambrosia.” He kept on sipping. It was helping his headache to recede after all.

          Phichit tapped on his chin as he adopted a suave look. “A _rose_ by any other name.” Yuuri felt a sudden weight on his head. It only elicited mild surprise when he felt the soft rose petals of his new flower crown.

          “Ambrosia’s good right?” Wait. He knew that Yuuri was working as a coffee man before he died. Did he just induce a form of cannibalism by having Yuuri drink coffee? It sounded far-fetched but whatever the case he hoped he hadn’t. “Anyways!” He clapped his hands together, rubbing them before throwing them up into the air. “Let’s get to the bottom of this mystery! You weren’t supposed to be here for a while. Shall we playback the footage of your life?”

          Yuuri nearly spit out his coffee as his recent night-time activities came to mind. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, coughing. “No, you don’t have to do that…”

          But Yuuri would be far too late. Phichit had already produced a tablet from the fabric of reality. He blew off the leftover cloud from the surface and the disturbed mist made him look like a winter dragon. Seconds later, the screen came to life.

          A fire had started in his eyes as he shoved his cloud tablet at Yuuri’s face. “Look at how fancy! This model isn’t even out on earth, yet.” Phichit gushed before tsking to himself as he pulled back to look for Yuuri’s archives. “Can you believe that—before I lost my shit and yelled at the higher ups—they used to use filing cabinets for this? You know, those old-ass alphabetical drawers with the file dividers from the last ice age? From when _Homo fucking_ _habilis_ was still trying to learn how to walk?” Phichit shook his head. “Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable. I almost died my first week and I’m practically immortal.”

          Phichit typed Yuuri’s name and date of birth into the search engine. “Aha, here you are. Man, look at your profile picture. Beautiful, I think I might have to cry.” Phichit wiped a few fake tears away as he showed Yuuri the same picture that he had on his driver’s license. Yuuri’s hair was in a clean job interview comb-over and he looked frozen in a state of shock like a cat being introduced to a stalk of catnip. The camera man must have not given him any warning.

          “Beautiful…?” Yuuri asked, with a look that questioned Phichit’s eyesight. ‘ _Where?’_ he seemed to be asking with his eyes.

Phichit made an unimpressed face. “Yuuri…I swear you’re always so hell-bent on making my job as a loving friend difficult in every. Single. Alternate. Universe. That exists! Just accept the truth, angsty pants. Gee whiz. You’re killing my vibes.” Phichit breathed out and his sunny demeanor returned.

“Now, let’s look at how you died, shall we?” said Phichit, in the most inhumanly refreshing way possible.

          Yuuri started shaking his head and hands in the most visceral movement of _PLEASE DON’T_ in all of history. “No, no, no! Let’s not watch that.”

          Phichit nodded as if in understanding. “I got you, Yuuri. It must have been traumatic for you. Sorry, I’ve been insensitive.”

          Yuuri relaxed but, it was too soon as Phichit continued. “It’s okay, we don’t have to watch it if it makes you uncomfortable. That’s my job anyways! You just sit tight, okay Yuuri?”

          Yuuri’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as Phichit pressed play. He could only sit tight and maybe ask for a miracle. _Buddha, Amaterasu, god, whatever higher power… if you’re out there, please let me rest in peace._

          In a rather anticlimactic way, the video began to load and Phichit made an annoyed noise grumbling about how they needed to get fiber optics. Internally, Yuuri was hoping that his small prayer had actually worked. Long story short, it did NOT as the video pulled up seconds later.

          “It’s kind of a shame…” Phichit started as the thumbnail which showed Yuuri’s hotel room loaded. “I was gonna show you all the cool features like zoom and the tilt-controlled panoramic video feature, ah, on second-thought I see why you wouldn’t want to see your own death played out in high-def 360 degree video footage. Good call.”

          Yuuri put his head in his hands as Phichit clicked the play button. Like a pig before slaughter, he waited for his impending death by embarrassment. In the farthest reaches of his soul, he still had a tiny glimmer of hope that what he thought was going to happen would not happen despite all signs pointing to _yes this is happening_. Some internet troll was probably typing out how he brought this on himself. Wait, why was nothing happening yet?

          Peaking out from between his fingers, Yuuri saw that Phichit was fiddling with his tablet as he saw a familiar scene from when he and Viktor had first began to explore the love hotel room. If his memory serves, soon after they’d explore each other.

          “Aha!” Phichit shouted in triumph as he flicked on a switch on the side. Muffled sound began playing from the device. “People always put these things on mute, and I will never understand why. Hmmm…” He watched the footage for a few minutes. “Viktor, huh? You can never trust the handsome ones, I tell ya. Let’s just go to the scene right before the crime. Tablet, show me when the dying begins.”

          “Showing when the dying begins.” Echoed the robotic feminine voice of the tablet.

          Putting aside how nonchalant Phichit sounded which clashed with how disturbing the actual words coming out of his mouth were, Yuuri had never felt such an urge to knock himself unconscious in his entire life. As he was contemplating how to do that with nothing but soft cloud around him, they began. _The sounds._

          They couldn’t have been much louder than the rest of the video, but they sounded like a sexual operatic concierto blaring into the sacred air of the heavens. Yuuri’s face grew hot with first-hand embarrassment. 

          “ _Aaahhhh~ nnggghh~_ _* **SLUUURRRP* ah,** haaa… *slap* * **slap** * haaa…!” _Yuuri wishes that he had four hands so he could cover his ears too but he just wasn’t lucky enough to be a mutant. The wet slapping sounds of rough lovemaking and the occasional snippets of unfortunate dirty talk flooded into Yuuri’s ears and disrupted all his thinking processes. Yuuri couldn’t see it, but he knew that if he peered over to look at Phichit he’d see the horror of finding what was essentially his friend’s sex tapes.

          “Oh wow, hello.” Phichit said in the most suppressed form of surprise Yuuri had ever heard. “Sorry about that, lemme just uhh turn down the volume.”

           The sounds slowly faded away but the will to turn to dust that was in Yuuri did not.

          Out of morbid curiosity, and morbid curiosity alone, Phichit turned on the tilt controls. When Yuuri wasn’t looking, which was almost all the time, he angled the tablet down and… a little to the side now, ah, perfect. He really couldn’t help himself. After all, he had wanted to be a producer at one point and wow. These tilt controls were really something. This angle, that angle, pinch-in here and the video didn’t pixelate at all! The cinematography was just breathtaking; it could rival hit motion picture _Inception_ directed by Christopher Nolan. Here, make no mistake, Yuuri was Leonardo Dicaprio.

           Dang, didn’t Yuuri feel any lactic acid build-up at all? He was wolfing down that german sausage like Takeru Kobayashi who currently holds the world record for most bratwurst consumed in 10 minutes. We’re talking 58 bratwurst sausages here. That’s like six sausages in a minute. Could he submit this video to Guiness? More importantly, where was all of that going? It looked like it was disappearing like a good magician should. Elephant imagery stampeded into Phichit’s mind and he found that it was really fitting.

          Human bodies shouldn’t do that. OH MY, WORD. This violated everything that Phichit knew about the limits of the human body and basic arithmetic. You can’t just keep packing a car that’s full. You can’t fit two balls into a box that only allows one. Unless Yuuri was a black hole and he was bending the fabric of space and time which of course Yuuri would do that.  

Yeah! That’s just like his best friend: doing the impossible in every single aspect of life. Someone give him a medal. Someone give him two medals! Because he treasured all his relationships, he secretly readjusted his robes into a more strategic position. _Just in case of course. Phichit was a good person and it didn’t hurt to be prepared._ Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself as he listened to several variations of moaning over the course of a few minutes. He tried to skip around the repetitive parts to get to the erm, important points.

          The video was nearing its end and currently Yuuri was on the floor trying to smash himself into the clouds. In the video, Phichit saw Yuuri’s soul, battered and weary, escape from under the covers as naked Viktor crinkled his nose smelling something putrid and kept snoozing away. He fought the strange urge to clap as the screen faded to black and instead joined his horrified friend on the cloud floors.

          With as must gentleness as he could muster, he pulled Yuuri from out of his cramped tornado-drill position to sit up until they were shoulder to shoulder. Right now, Yuuri probably didn’t want to look him in the eyes so they both just stared out into the ocean of endless cloud cover. The light of death was blinding, but Phichit knew he would never be able to un-see that. Yuuri contemplated whether it was good or bad that you could not die of embarrassment as he squinted out at the golden whiteness of the bright clouds that continued into infinity in every direction.

          It was silent for a while. Phichit never really had training to deal with these situations. He grabbed a handful of airy cloud and looked at it closely as it floated out from his hands. Maybe they would hold the answers to the world. Nothing was coming to mind, so Phichit did something he was good at: break the silence.

          “Sooo…” he began whilst drawing out the ‘o’ sound, “ _funny thing_ , I kind of assumed that Viktor was your murderer but nothing could have quite prepared me for how you were murdered.”

          Yuuri made a strange face and chose not to follow up on that. Phichit understood, after all most people don’t like to think on death. He let the silence hang for a while until he couldn’t take it. He had to say it. He was dying to say it.

          “What a… interesting weapon, am I right?” Phichit bit his lip, trying not to grin. He looked over at Yuuri who looked like he was making a constipated expression. That was probably a sign to continue.

          “You know.” Phichit fought down his giggles as he kept talking, “When he first pulled it out I was like, _what? Is that a gun? That can’t be a gun.”_ Phichit’s lips were wobbling so hard, he couldn’t take it anymore he had to let loose. “But then, but _then,”_ Phichit paused so he could turn to look Yuuri dead in the eye, “ ** _he fucking cocks it._** _”_ Phichit goes completely nuts. Yuuri has the most offended look on his face- mouth open in shock, eyebrows raised.

          “HAHAHAHAHA!!! HE COCKS IT!! GET IT???? YUURI I’M DYING” Phichit’s bowled over, there are tears coming out of his eyes.

          “Phichit!” Yuuri screams, “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you!”

          “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.” Phichit recovers enough to rest a reassuring hand on his decimated friend’s shoulder. “But, you know what?”

          “What?” Yuuri asks genuinely confused as to what could possibly be the silver lining here.

          “Well,” Phichit starts, “at least you went out with a **bang**.”

          Phichit laughs harder when he sees the way Yuuri’s looking at him. Yuuri’s got the deepest pouting frowny-face on; the one that’s wobbly at the edges because he’s trying so hard not to smile at terrible puns and Phichit knows he’s won him over.

          Exasperated, Yuuri just sighs as he can’t help but smile at this stupid saint’s antics. “Alright, alright. Stop before I actually hit you.”

           Phichit puts his hands up in surrender. “Ok, ok, I’m stopping so no hitting!”

          “So now what happens? I’m dead so, do I get to go to the afterlife now or are you going to send me back as a flea?” Yuuri asks, half-joking.

          Phichit adopts the thinkers pose as he thinks about how best to pass judgement. “Well, all things considered with your early demise, the way you died, and your fateful reunion with me I can only come to one conclusion.” Yuuri waits, a bit nervous. He really didn’t want to be reborn as a bug, if possible.

          “And that conclusion is…” Phichit draws out the sentence like a game show host as Yuuri hopes with all his might. “ _You are far away from god_.” Phichit says it while winking like it’s a good thing but Yuuri doesn’t look at all amused.

          “Really, Phichit?”

          “No, No! I know it sounds bad but just hear me out Yuuri, this is actually a very auspicious thing for you!”

          Yuuri stares at him, searching his eyes before he relents. “Alright, you’ve got my attention.”

          “So, if my theory is correct and your death was an unpredicted death, this means that you are off the grid right now. That means, none of the important people in administration have caught wind that you’re up here which means you _might still have the power to go back._ ” There’s a light in Phichit’s eyes as he says it, his hands are clenched in excitement in front of his face as Yuuri lights up in return.

          “Really!” Yuuri says, all excitement.

          “Really, really.” Phichit says, 10,000 watt grin on his face. “All’s you have to do is find something that ties you strongly to the physical world. Can you think of anything? I’ll take care of all the rest.”

          “Wait, won’t you get fired?” Yuuri asks a little worried for his new supernatural buddy.

          “You want to go back, don’t you? Just be selfish for once in your life; I know you need to go back, c’mon Yuuri.” Phichit snorts as he gestures to his tablet. “Besides, it’s not like any of those old farts could afford to lose me over someone who’s not supposed to be dead anyways. I’m one of the only tech-savvy gatekeepers there are so don’t worry about it.” The clouds began to stir in front of him. “So, tell me _who_ it is that you want to return to?” Phichit has a knowing glint in his eyes even as he inquires.

          “You already know who it is, but, can I see Viktor again? I only knew him for a night but I feel like I’ve known him forever. I know it’s hard to believe, but I really have no one besides him. I was alone before him. Every day was monotonous as I did my job, spreading the love of canned coffee. Viktor’s the only one who’s ever loved me back…” Yuuri felt the beginnings of tears spring to his eyes. “I can’t die yet Phichit, I miss him so much and I don’t know why.”

          Wrapping an arm around Yuuri, Phichit shushed him as the clouds in front of them slowly cleared. “Awww. Yuuri, don’t cry. If it makes you feel any better, I think he misses you just as much. Let’s see what he’s up to shall we?”

          Once the clouds vanished leaving a reflective barrier, the busy city of Tokyo was projected on the faux screen before zooming in on a frazzled silver-headed man. Viktor could be seen gesturing to his phone and trying to communicate to the locals who shook their heads and walked away. This continued several times, Viktor seeming to sag more and more in dejection. Before long, he made it to a park and sat down on a bench before putting his head in his hands. It zoomed in on him, he was probably crying.

          “Oh, that’s so sad.” Phichit commented. “He’s gotta be crying, oh no, he’s shaking. Look, even the ducks are starting to collect around him, they probably think he’s going to make a pond for them to play in.”

          “Viktor!” Yuuri shouted as he tried to touch the man on the cloud screen. He felt helpless when he realized he couldn’t comfort him as his hands just stopped on the image like the glass of a television. He turned to look at his friend, both hands on Viktor’s projected face. “Phichit, look, he needs me! How do I go to him?!” he said, desperation in his voice.

          Hypnotizing like a desert haze, Phichit’s image began to distort and bleed into the surroundings.

          “Phichit! What’s happening?”

          The clouds began to swirl in on each other and Yuuri was overcome with a  feeling of nausea. “ _Oh Yuuri_ ,” Phichit said, voice sounding faint and distorted, “ _have_ you already **forgotten** _what you are_?”

          Yuuri’s stomach dropped into his guts as he began sinking into what used to be firm cloud. His struggles to get out were in vain as he was pulled under like a horse stuck in quicksand.

          “Phichit!” he screamed terrified, “Help me!”

          Phichit’s distorted face just smiled at him as he sank lower and lower until the clouds began to obscure his vision. _“Next time you come up here you better not forget me!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you everyone for leaving such nice comments last chapter! So nice! Some of them made me laugh, the theories can get out of hand lol. A lot of you are really colorful and I'm glad that I was able to reply to everyone. That being said, I apologize if I scared anyone away with my, uh, personality...  
> I know a lot of things are really confusing! That's okay! I promise next chapter will be the big reveal as to what Yuuri actually is. I hope it doesn't make ppl angry lol but I have had this planned out as the good ending for a while (Yes, there was a bad ending but I threw it out because I am a guilty boii)  
> Bonus:
> 
> An important conversation about this chapter between my good friend dongdong and me. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Doble Bonus: Viktor "Poe" Necroforov would have essentially slept with a dead person for several hours. Yuuri's his beautiful Annabel Lee. I wonder if this was the fairytale love one of you asked for.  
> Catch me on tumblr for good talks and the latest updates @[mileenadelanoche](mileenadelanoche.tumblr.com)  
> As always, see you next coffee time!


	7. Author's Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck

I was reading over this chapter (Ch. 7) and I thought about where I wanted to take this story, after all there is only one scheduled chapter left.

I saw that Yuuri was sad.

Viktor was sad. 

Chris was nowhere to be seen. He just fucked off to nowhere because I write these shits at 3-5AM and forget things easily. Don't get me wrong tho. I love Chris and his hairy ass.

"This sucks" I said

"This is the fucking sticks" I said

"There are a 1000 variations of ways to say how terrible this chapter is" I said

"It's too sad, and not satisfying" I yelled

It just wasn't whimsical enough. It completely diverted from the original mood of the story. And I don't have a beta reader so I don't notice these things at first.

Something needed to change.

I really want Yuuri to save Viktor with his bountiful ass like he does in the show. 

This being said, 

I will be shredding and rewriting this chapter. The premise will be the same. The execution will be much different. 

There will be more coffee references. Maybe some clone-fucking. Gotta love science. 

While browsing Men's lingerie (force of habit) I realized I want more Yuuri in lingerie

There will be more lingerie. 

More dicks too. I wanna shower you guys with dicks like sugar daddies shower their honeys with gifts (that sounded better in my head)

The remastered version of this shitshow should be ripped from my cramped hands by ~~Thursday I lied maybe not lmao~~.

Muchos apologies y a very castigo anal, especially for the good ppl tht left comments. They are now lost forever but I still have copies of them and will consider them

See you next reheated coffee time kek


End file.
